I felt the most prettiest when I knew I was pregnant with your child.

Name:MelissaDate:Friday 30th 2012f March 2012 08:54:51 AMColorgenics Number:7/1/5/3/2/0/4/6/

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn’t matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don’t really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as ‘someone special’ is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this ‘complex’ by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

I feel completely miserable, and you are never a help.

Sometimes I feel like I am left in the dusk with you. I feel lonely, unaccomplished, uncultured, unloved, jealous, hatred, and tired. I feel like you’re moving on in your life without me, hence the left in the dusk. I can’t argue with you, because I know I’ll lose. I know you’ll say I’m overreacting, but in my mind I’m not. You’ll say that you’re exhausted with my insecurities, but so am I. I wish I was just a little more trusting, and trusting is hard. I can picture you angry at me, and saying that you couldn’t believe I don’t trust you after 2 years. That you love me more than the world, and that you always will. I know you’ll hug me as I cry in bed, and tell me everything is ok. As I write this crying, I miss you. I guess it’s the fact you’re so far away, and I’m not use to it. Sometimes I don’t feel so special anymore. Special, I suppose that’s the word I’ve been searching for. I don’t feel special to you anymore. Remember when we first started dating, I felt so special. Yet I didn’t feel special at that time. I feel left out while you’re in Italy. You’re experiencing the world without me. It hurts.